NEW POWERS!
by FernCookies
Summary: OMG HARRY GETS NEW POWERS ON HIS B-DAY! Like that ain't cliche? WARNING:Do not read if offended easily!


WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ****IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED..DO NOT READ. I REPEAT DO NOT READ!!!****  
DO NOT READ!  
DO NOT READ!!  
DO NOT READ!!!  
I SAID DON'T READ IT!!!!  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
DO  
NOT  
READ  
!!!  
D  
O  
  
N  
O  
T  
  
R  
E  
A  
D  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
!  
  
LAST WARNING!!!!!  
CONTENT NOT MENT FOR CHILDREN!! NOR FOR CHURCH PEOPLE!  
  
Enjoy the fanfic.............  
  
At number 4 Privet Drive a boy glanced at his clock. His name was HARRY POTTER!!!!!   
  
"Wow I've been 16 for a whole minute!" Harry gasped as he had just now relized what time it was.  
Clever one ain't he?  
Harry once again gasped as..dun dun dun!!  
  
MERLIN appeared.  
Merlin moon walked into Harry's bedroom.  
"WOO! What up Harry?" He sang grabbing his crotch.  
Harry blinked stupidly at the greatest wizard of all time.  
"Why are you here? GASP! You aren't a death eater in disguise to get me are you?  
Even though I am protected by high ancient magic and cannot be harmed as long as I leave.. (breathe)   
But I somehow forgot that as I point my wand at you!"   
  
Merlin smacked the wand away and grabbed Harry by the shoulders.  
"I am here to grant you NEW POWERS!" He screamed in his ear. Harry rubbed said ear in annoyance.   
His eyes looking doubtful.  
  
"NEW POWERS?" He questioned. "I cannot possibbly stand NEW POWERS I am just a weak teenage boy who wants to sulk moodily   
about the death cause yet not caused by me and dream nightmares while my scar bleeds." Merlin smacked Harry as his scar bled.  
  
"You moron I'm granting ya NEW POWERS!" With that said he smacked Harry once again with an egg.  
  
"A mighty SNOWY WHITE Phoenix shall come from there. It shall be your guardian...Oh and you will also understand it." Merlin stepped back with some fancy hand movements.   
Shaking his booty he waved a giant staff.  
  
"I GRANT YE POWERS!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Beating Harry to a pulp he vanished in a cloud of smoke.  
  
"WOW!" Harry exclaimed." I have the powers to understand any laguage. I am super sneaky and tough. I suddenly have matured mentally and physically. Look at my giant abs and firm arms! I can even control the elements! Aren't these NEW POWERS great?" Harry gave a cheesy grin through a bloody mouth.  
Flexing his muscles in the mirror he didn't turn until a throat was cleared.  
  
A man in a red cloak stepped foward.  
  
"I AM GODRIC GRYFFINDOR!!"He yelled...though we don't know why. o_O  
  
"I AM HERE TO GIVE YOU MY POWERS! I AM A POWER MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTER! I CAN ALSO CREATE NEW SPELLS! I BEAR WITH ME A GIFT FOR YOU!"   
  
Harry's now bleeding ears twitched in pain. Godric stepped foward and smacked him with a baby lion.  
He also tossed the sword of Gryffindor at Harry.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EYE!" Harry screamed as the hilt slammed into his eye, blinding him.  
The lion purred and wound through his legs. Harry tripped and sprawled to the floor.  
  
A man appeared from the shadows. His green cloak oddly enough blended in.  
  
"I am Sssssssssssalazar Ssssssslytherin!! I sssssssssssssshall grant you my powersssssssss. "He hissed.. weird huh?   
" You can now sssssssssssee aurasssss are able to idenitfy any sssssssssspell and I give you a pet sssssssssssssssssssssssnake."   
A giant anaconda wrapped around the heavily bleeding Harry.  
  
"Oh and I give you thissss dagger yessss?" He spoke in an odd accent before throwing a deadly looking dagger at Harry.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY LEGS!!! YOU BASTARD!" Harry cried pitifully.  
  
A woman in a blue cloak appeared.  
  
"I am the beautiful Rowena Ravenclaw! Aren't I gorgeous? C'mon you know it's tr-" She yowled as Salazar elbowed her.  
Glaring she sighed.  
  
"Right right. I give ya my knowledge my grace and umm.." She patted her pockets with a frown.   
Giving a cry of pleasure (not that way pervs!) she pulled out a mirror.  
  
"This mirror will let you see the future!!!" She tossed the mirror and stood by her fellow founders.  
  
"Can we go yet?" She whined. The boys gave her looks of longing.  
  
"You are the most beautiful of them all my dear! Your icy blue eyes and black hair turn me on!" Godric grinned and put an arm on her.  
Salazar quickly shoved him away.  
  
"YOU BASTARD! She's my woman!" Godric grabbed his sword from the prone Harry's eye.  
  
"We shall duel for the madames hand!...Since this was the reason for us breaking apart in the first place... Right? Atleast that's what all those dumbass fangirls think." Godric fingered his chin with a pensieve look.  
  
" 'Oh!! Tee hee! I bet they fought for Rowena's hand! Of course it had nothing to do with bloodlines or politics!  
They just fighted for there true love!' Damn those twits! Don't they relize people were fucking ugly back then? We didn't have tooth brushes and bathed like once a week!" Salazar taunted all the useless girls out there.  
  
Rowena was standing by Harry's side. Giving another cry she pulled a bird from under her hat.  
  
"And keep the bird to you will also understand it!" The raven cawed and attacked the half alive Harry.  
  
A pop was heard followed by warm laughter.  
  
"It is I!" A voice chirpped! A PLUMP woman stepped foward with red hair and gapped tooth mouth. "I am the FAT ugly Helga Hufflepuff. I shall play the motherly role as we watch over young Harry!"   
She waddled towards the unconcious severly bleeding Harry, and put a necklace on him.  
  
"THAT NECKLACE HOLDS MIGHTY POWERS! If someone can not be trusted it shall turn cold. If they be a friend..IT SHALL BURN! Muwahahaha."  
  
o_o= Salazar,Rowena,Godric.  
^_^=Helga  
  
"And here .." She tossed a furry rodent at him. " That is the MIGHTY BADGER!!!!" Giving a fart she waddled back towards the bed.   
Squatting down she hopped in.  
  
"I'm sleeping now so..SHUT THE FUCK UP! G'night yall!"  
  
"You aren't giving him a NEW POWER?" Rowena asked curiously.  
  
A belch was heard from the bed followed by obscene scratching.  
  
"I ain't got any powers worth nothing darling. I suppose I could teach him how to cook though." She spoke thoughtfully.  
  
A pop was heard as Merlin appeared again. A small chest in his hands.  
  
"Here are your family secrets and everything you need to know to ruin the rest of the future books.." The chest was dropped ontop of Harry.  
He gave a slight shiver movement before stoping.  
  
"Ungrateful bastard!" Merlin cursed and spit on the boy." Oh I am your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-  
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-.. GREAT GRANDPA! Ya also own half of the wizarding world and you are related to the founders to!" Giving a final bow he vanished.  
  
15 minutes later...  
  
Harry awoke in his bed in a cold sweat. He gazed around in horror before calming.  
  
"Just a dream.." He mumbled. A pale hand wrapped around his waist as a voice spoke into his ear.  
  
"What's a matter love?" The voice said sleepily. Harry gazed down at his lover.   
  
"Nothing Draco go back to bed." Harry replied kissing the silvery-blonde. Draco purred and deepened the kiss.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry screamed shooting up in bed. He franticly touched the body beside him.  
  
"What!!! WHAT?" The person beside him asked alerted. "Harry..what's wrong?" Harry clung to the person sobbing.  
  
"It was awful!!.. I dr- dreamnt I got this New powers and .. (sniffle).. I WAS IN A FANFIC! It was poorly written to.. I mean who gets New Powers when they turn 16?"  
  
A chuckled vibrated in the room.  
  
"Was that all Harry?" They asked as humor laced dark eyes.  
  
"I then dreamnt I was in bed with Malfoy.." The body holding Harry stiffened.  
  
"YOU WHAT!?"  
  
Harry winced before trying despreatly to calm his lover down.  
  
"Severus please calm down! It was just a dream!"  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
This is to all those lame ass "Harry turns 15/16 and recieves mighty powers and owns half the world!' -writers.  
Who the hell would come up with that? Harry already has his secret 'MIGHTY POWER'   
  
It's love you morons!  
  
Oh and I'm not mocking SLASH. I actually like to read a SS/HP or DM/HP sometimes.  
  
But only the ones who actually make senses.   
  
Those stupid ones where Harry suddenly falls madly inlove with Draco.  
Or Draco decides to be good and protect Harry fics are so retarded.  
  
Note to all: DON'T YOU DARE REPORT ME! I got reported for a fanfic with MJ in it.  
And suddenly I get reported and can't use my old account.  
  
To all who finds this offensive..  
  
FUCK YOU!  
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU READ IT HUH?   
YOU MORONS ARE SO DAMN STUPID AS TO NOT READ THE WARNING!?  
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?  
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO OUTSIDE! STOP LAZING INFRONT OF THE COMP ALL DAY!  
I PUT THE CORRECT RATING AND A WARNING SO BACK THE FUCK OFF!  
  
- Yay what you gonna do something about it? I can just upload this again. Or go to like 10 other fanfic sites!   
I'll even make more names and put this up again!  
  
Now for my final thought:  
Don't let a mere writing piss you off. And you have no sense of respect for you freedom if you report just for fun.  
To all the Abuse Reporters: Fuck off you tight ass retards!  
  
Note to my friends: OMG wasn't that so OOC for me!? xD  
But they are my thoughts. Ja matta ne! ^_^ 


End file.
